Inside the Cage

I am so deeply hurt by everything you have done you will never be able to comprehend...

There are so many words, so many feelings, inside of me. The past month I have been desperately trying to leak them out of me only to get locked deeper inside. I pretend I'm healing. I pretend I'm strong. Sometimes I pretend so intensely that I actually begin to believe myself.

And then something happens. A little thing reminds me of you and everything comes back. All of those feelings, all of those words, come rushing back to the surface like a hurricane with gale force winds. Violently shaking the bars of the cage holding them back.

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I'm even more deeply hurt that you would turn your back on my family. Or what you called "your family" only a couple weeks ago.

I get that you have been hurt by important people in your past but that absolutely does not make it OK to treat people how you treat them.

It's beautifully deceiving. It's almost an art form how deceiving you are, leaving an unforeseen wake of destruction behind you. 

Please look back...

A Six Word Story

"I really did love you more."

My Leaking Soul: Current Struggles

You haven't spoken a word to me in a month. Besides the time you grew a pair (sort of) and explained to me your reasoning.

I've done my best to be patient, but now all my memories of you have been drowned in a forgotten past. Sometimes they bubble to the surface when I see a picture of you and a bitter, icy shiver stabs my heart and swiftly melts away with the next distraction.

It's a difficult feeling to describe. I no longer love you in any way. I want to know how you're doing; I still care. But love of any kind is very very far from anything I feel for you. You have ruined every chance we ever could have had at being friends in the future simply by pretending I don't exist.

You have a deceiving aura of destruction that parades itself around as a caring and loving person.

I am completely 100% over you as a person, but it is going to take a long time to recover from what you did to me.

All I know is that I have grown into the confident woman I was born to be because of you and for that, I thank you.

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It is difficult for me to not listen to the lies the devil is whispering to me throughout the day. He's saying I should be afraid of the unknown future and saying I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. That God has not made a man on this earth for me. And I should worry about money because money is what this world revolves around....

I know that these things are bold-faced lies. I know God has created a strong, God-fearing man for me and he will be revealed to me in only God's timing. The people of the earth are worried about these things, but if only the world revolved around its Creator, the devil and all of his lies will be crushed like an ant beneath our feet. 

This war is internal and my God will win.